one might say we're banned from that church
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This baby is an asshole
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
