ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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