Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
