were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
