You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
