and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
