She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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