I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
