Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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