I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
