apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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