smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
