im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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