260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
