tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
