Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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