I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
