A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
