I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so let's talk penis.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
