This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
