Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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