Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
