She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
