Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
