I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
