apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
