Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
not ubering you a puppy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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