that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
