Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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