i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
