More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
