Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
