woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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