WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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