There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
