Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
