Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
