I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
