I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
