Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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