Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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