There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
