you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
