i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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