so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a search helicopter?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I FOUND THE LEGS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
