How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i will never coherently bang her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
