I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
