oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
