Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
