what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
