im about as happy as oj after his trial
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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