we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
