if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
