I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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