I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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