i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
