32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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