Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
