the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have already put on my inside pants.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
