yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
